You Know Nothing About Kids { Dirk X Reader}

You walk inside his house looking around you see these weird puppets. These puppets are everywhere, in every room you walk into.

You've never heard Dirk talk about puppets before, but you let it slide by.

You follow the sound of a baby's screaming to end up in what looks like Dirks bedroom.

　There is a crying child{ who you assume is Dave} on Dirk's bed and Dirk is trying to comfort the crying tot.

You lightly wrap you knuckles on the door frame to signal your arrival. " Dirk Im here"

"Oh thank god {f/n}! Now please shut little bro up, hes been crying for two hours straight!"

You looked over to the small crying child laying in the bed and noticed another one of those weird puppets laying beside him. it looked as though he was actually trying to wiggle away from it but with no luck. You picked up the puppet with your index figer and tumb holding it away from your body like you could catch a disease from it. " First of all get rid of what ever this is"

You toss the puppet on the floor and pick up Dave. He smells terrible.

"Do you have any diapers?" You ask Strider.

"Nope" he replies with a sigh as he plops down on a chair in his room.

"Well lets go get some"

You and Dirk start heading for the door when you suddenly turn around.

"Where's Dave?" you ask .

"In the room" he replies.

"We have to bring to the store with us" you sigh as you put your head in your hands.

"Really?" Dirk asks "I thought he would just be cool hang out in out here".

"Dirk letting Dave stay here by himself would be like letting you grandma run around in the road"

"Wait" he said a shocked look coming over his face" your not supost to let them do that?"

　"DIRK OMYGOD WHAT HAVE Y.."

"Geez {f/n} relax I was just kidding" he said laughing slightly.

" Never again" you said giving him the death glare " Back on subject you cant just leave a kid like that that's the basic rule of taking care of kids. I mean god I though you would have known that"

Dirk rubbed the back of his neck.

" you know nothing about taking care of kids do you?" you sighed while mentally face palming " fine then today Ill teach you the rules of taking care of kids and stuff".

You both headed back into the room you picking up a screaming Dave who was trying to get away from all of the puppets on the floor and Dirk grabbing a notebook and scribbling " How to take care of kids and stuff" across the top of the first page.

You look down to see what he is writing

"#1- dont leave them alone by themselves"

You continue to get Dave and head out to the car .

  Its a longer drive to the store than you expected, but it doesn't help that Dave won't stop crying and Dirk insists on singing along with every song on the radio.

To your delight you finally arrive at the store and park your car. 

"Ok Dirk im going to go inside and get the stuff we need, you just watch Dave ok?" you say.

"But why do I have to stay here with him?"He complains.

"Do you know the stuff we need for Dave?" you ask.

"Good point" he replies.

"That's what I thought" 

You hurry inside the store and grab stuff like diapers, baby formula, and some baby bottles

You pay for the stuff and go back to the car and find Dirk trying to give Dave the plush puppet rump

"DIRK!" you yell causing him to drop the puppet." quit giving those what ever those things are to dave!"

" god chill {f/n} no need to get all worked up over the smuppets"

"the what?" you ask, you were sincerely hoping you didn't just hear what you thought you did. Smuppets were notorious on the web lately, you not being into that weird fetish crap never actually looked them up but some of your weirder friends had.

" dear god ok Dirk heres rule two No weird fetish puppets, got it?"

"Yup got it," he replied scribbling ' chicks love smuppets, babies don't' down in his note pad while you hand Dave a small duck plushie out of the bag of goodies you rounded up at your place.

You hop back into the car and get ready for another long trek.

Once you arrive back at Dirk's place you start making the baby formula. As you are waiting for it to warm up you show Dirk how to change a diaper. He watched carefully over your shoulder gagging at one point.

"Ok so his diaper is changed but why is he still crying?" he asks.

"He is hungry" you reply with a sigh.

You go into the kitchen and get the baby formula and give it to Dave. He imediatly stops crying.

Dirk starts writing in his notebook again "#3- when babies are crying change thier smelly diapers or give them formula "

When Dave is content you pull the bottle out of his mouth and his eyes open. You notice something wierd his eyes are a bright crimson red.

　"Dirk why are Dave's eyes red?" you ask slightly concered that the young boy might have an illness.

"That {f/n} is the Strider pride" Dirk slid down his own glasses to reveal a set of bright orange eyes.

"hmm how does that work I mean" your words were cut off by Daves baby babbling.

After a second though it sounded like he was actually saying something.

You walked back over to the child only to have him reach is arms out to you saying "mama".

"Aww how cute" you say mentally squeeing over the cuteness, " Im sorry sweetie but I'm not your mama.Dirk wheres his crib at? I'll go " you were cut off yet again this time by a pair of arms sliding their way around your waist. Your muscles tightened as a low voice whispered " You could be his mama if you wanted"

"Dirk that would make me your mom too"

"Crap! That's just so wrong!"

*extended ending

after f/n had gone home Dirk added one more rule to the note book.

" If the chick doesn't dig smupets use little bro instead"